so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I lost the right to judge tonight
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
