There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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