You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
