I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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