im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
