I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize