yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We need to get me chipped asap
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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