you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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