Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
