You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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