I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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