Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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