hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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