I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize