It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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