i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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