You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
