Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
