Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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