"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
