Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize