The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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