In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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