I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just had sex on a roof
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
