dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
40s are totally the cure
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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