I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
