so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
