Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
it's like iHOP with fire
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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