Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
your like the ambassador to my penis.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
