Well douche your snatch and let's go!
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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