If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
