HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
