she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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