Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
