she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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