This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
