Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
