phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
