My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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