Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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