I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
