I will die if light touches me.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
