I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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