Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
