You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
