dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
