I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
