Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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