Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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