I love black thongs
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
