We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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