Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
