i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
we should paint friendship bongs
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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