whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
