But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
