A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
