i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Randomize
