Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
