Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize