I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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