it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
