I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
